The Distressed Damsel!

Hither and thither she ran

She ran with the wind
The wind took her to the storm
The storm that looked like a gentle breeze!
She ran face first
She was so young and naive
but she runs now no more
and no more does she breathe!

I watched her run
I watched her breathe
But I do not see her now
So I, just grieve!
To breathe is hard
The throat is parched
an eternal brain-freeze.

How do I say
she walked away
the clock still ticks
the sound reverberates
it is all that I ever hear!

I write this poem for my sister. My sister was a beautiful young soul. She decided to end her life on 11th September 2016 and since the day, I grieve her every day. I have felt pain before. The pain of being left by a loved one. But this one beats them all. Nothing can ever beat this. This one shall be eternally triumphant!

I still do not understand this, but I will always love you Vinu! xx

I Don't Understand

It feels like someone has put their hand through my body and ripped my heart out. I don't understand how is this even possible. There is so much pain.. so much suffering.. and it is all bottled up inside.

I am always pretending. Pretending to be okay. I am told no one else understands how I feel, but they are trying to be there for me and I should be sensitive to the fact that they care about me? I don't understand this either - if I am suffering and they don't understand my suffering, why do I have to be sensitive to the fact that they can't understand my suffering?

I don't see a reason for anything anymore.. bleh.. everyone dies eventually.. everyone will die.. what's the point in carrying on? What's the point in this pointless living? What's the point in pretending that this is living, when it is just dragging on?

My throat, it's so dry.
My eyes, always watery.

You know how they show in the movies, when you're in trauma, you hear this high pitched noise in your ears... sometimes, I am smiling and looking at people, but I can't hear them.. all I hear is the high pitched noise. I didn't know that shit is for real.

Every time I broke up with an ex.. I thought no pain can supersede this.. no pain can last this long.. and then.. you went away.. my sister.. my best friend.. my child.. my soul mate.. we fought and cried.. we hated each other.. but I never thought this day would ever come.. I never thought I will ever see a day on this earth without you.. you were supposed to be the one thing I will have till the end.. how did this happen.. I don't understand.. this just doesn't make any sense to me.. I need to understand.. Why?

Sisters Forever!

I dream ever so often, that it rewinds... that you're here and I am here.. and I fight for you.. and I protect you.. it was my job.. you discharged me of my duty.. I don't know what to do now.. I don't know what to live for anymore.. so I carry you with me.. I carry you in my heart!

I look at the cherry blossoms and think you would have loved them.

I look at people ice skating and wonder if you ever did it.

Every time I do something new, I wonder if you did do it too.

I visit a new country and I wear your stuff, I think that you're with me, are you?

I am so glad we took that trip together.. that's one thing I will never regret.

I am glad that I told you that I love you out of the blue.. that's another thing I will not regret.

But I didn't call you that day.. that day when you were so low.. would you have answered my call? How do I not regret this? I will regret it forever.. and I will wonder forever.. because, you are - my heart! I will always love you!

Heights of Love… Clarity!!!

Continued from http://geets13.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/heights-of-love-realisation.html

Story begins at http://geets13.blogspot.in/2011/10/heights-of-love-prelude.html

You may have been loved... you must have had your heart broken... But, have you been a part of a fairy tale? This, right here, was the fairy tale that girls dreams of… Grata had poems written for her... She had boys singing for her... She had been sketched with all heart & soul... She even had been fought over for... She had seen boys get beaten up over her... She had been surprised with the cutest & warmest bear hugs... She had been kissed in the most romantic ways... She even had the luxury to throw up in a lover’s hands’ when she was too weak to walk to a waste bin… but nothing had ever come close to this… This was the ultimate fairy tale… the man of her dreams… standing tall, looking as gorgeous as anyone ever could… standing there… with a halo forming above his head from the sunshine… it really was like having an angel look at you!

Grata felt warm and serene, as if the time stood still and the moment would last forever. But nothing lasts for ever… Neither would this… Adam held out his hand to Grata, without thinking, she placed the palm of her hand in the crevice of his’... He pulled her close and leaned in to kiss her on the mouth… her claves would strain and her body would rise to meet his lips… He placed his hands on the small of her back to pull her closer, his warmth touching the nakedness of her back… Her breasts would swell up and nipples harden at the thought of his touch and now he was touching her, gently, lovingly; yet, her calves did not strain to give her the height to meet his lips. Neither did her body react the way it would; the way it should…

He pulled her closer and whispered in her ear “'like John Mayer says, you're no one till someone lets you down'… I now am no one.” With that, he pecked her cheek and let her go, a sole tear in his eye…. No words were spoken. There was just no need for words. He knew it, she knew it, it always was wonderlust… She never loved him, he could see it in her eyes… & she did not know it till now; but she knew it today… she knew it for sure... & it was visible… She was taken… she was in love now, for sure… it just wasn’t with Adam, it never was supposed to be him… So he just sat down and looked the other way and made it easy for her to walk away… his heart ached for her, his body longed for her… but he had clarity that she did not belong to him… and she had clarity that she belonged with Henry.

THE STORY FINALLY ENDS.

Heights of Love… The Realisation!!!

Continued from http://geets13.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/heights-of-love-inner-turmoil.html

Story begins at http://geets13.blogspot.in/2011/10/heights-of-love-prelude.html

Mel snapped her out of it with the “hey, stop day dreaming about Adam already!” Grata blinked her eyes. She felt a bit queasy and sat down. “You alright?” asked Mel… “ummm.. could you tell Henry that I will meet him directly” mumbled Grata.. “wait, ill text him myself… I’ve got to get ready and I’ll catch you later” she announced loudly and disappeared for a shower leaving Mel absolutely confused. By the time she was out, Mel was long gone. She took out the beautiful champagne backless she had bought for that special occasion and lay it on the bed. She dropped her bathrobe and had a good look at herself in the mirror. She smiled!

As she sat in front of the mirror and carefully applied her foundation… she realized that she was still smiling… not good for the creases… “no smiling till the foundation sets in” she rebuked herself out loud.. She generally went for the el natural look mostly.. but today she fancied the fushia blush and the gold dust for the eye shadow. She even went ahead and contoured her face, highlighted her cheek bones. She realized that a lot was going on with her eyes, yet she went ahead and wore those red lips that made her absolutely irresistible. She wore her hair up in that lady like bun; even more irresistible, she thought to herself. She was going for it all, she was going for the kill! She took out those Gold heels from their safe keeping box that gold rhine stone studded cltch. She opened her wardrobe once again and grabbed her bright red stole. Then she decided to ditch her diamonds and wear the ruby danglers and a quick fast drying bright red varnish. The look was complete and she made a dash.

She was restless… she tapped her way through the 4 stations before she finally got off at Leicester Square. It was 7:24PM when she was outside Missle. Fine she was a little early, she walked in… she felt the earth trembling… it was she who was shivering though… It’s okay.. you have 5 minutes to compose yourself… She smiled at the usher and was about to say table for two to the ladies at the front desk when one of the women smiled at her and said this way through, sir is already here. May I take your stole madam? Grata declined the offer and held tightly to her stole. Why is this place empty? Fine, Missle was relatively expensive, but people loved eating out on a Saturday evening. It was next to impossible to find a place empty on a sunny day as such anyway, plus, it was a Saturday. Where are all the people?

Adam was on to something big… It hit her like a tide then… he has been watching me.. he had to know that I was Starbucks already. You cannot get a place like this empty at 7:30PM on a sunny Saturday… he had planned this… how weird was this… she followed in quietly and saw Adam waiting near the sunniest window.. standing tall.. and breath taking as always… he even wore a black suit and the whitest shirt… She dropped the stole to compliment him and his jaw dropped in awe for a second before he composed himself. That moment was made for a photo still, not a 3X5”, but a full length portrait canvas sorta way!

THE STORY CONTINUES  . . . http://geets13.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/heights-of-love-clarity.html

Heights of Love… The Inner Turmoil!!!

Continued from http://geets13.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/heights-of-love-plot-thickens.html

Story begins at http://geets13.blogspot.in/2011/10/heights-of-love-prelude.html

Mel – why are you crying darling?

G – cuz I am an absolute mess!

Mel – I beg to differ… I guess a lot of women would love to be you.. dating the perfect man, and having another in your pocket!

G – don’t say that, that just makes me feel like cheap trash!

Mel – oh, no, I did not mean it like that. I meant most women don’t get attention from one… sorry, ignore me.. it’s more of a cheesy comment... I thought that would pep you up. We would die for something like this in Uni… sorry love.. okay, so I am going to call you now, you pretend to cancel, alright?

G – yea, sure.

Mel called G & Marimba buzzed at the table. Grata walked towards the table and instead picked up the picture frame, she was wearing the bunny ears and smiling so bright while Henry was wearing the pink feathery prop that G insisted he wears to fit in. He seemed to enjoy these quirks as he was looking at her and smiling even while the picture was being taken. She remembered how funny that night was and how pissed drunk everyone was. She remembered how Mel and she had done the very inappropriate dance which was more like a dry hump in the very very risky club in Shordich while the boys were left to look after the girls incase anyone tried to act funny. It was Grata who had planned the night as she needed to take her mind off Adam… Little did she know that it was Henry’s birthday the next day.. it only came to its disclosure as Henry got a call from quite a few people one after the other, and all he said was “Thank you, I’ll call you back.. I’m in the middle of celebrations!” each time.. and it was an innocent question from Grata “some big project success?” that had the curtains falling on the birthday. That was the one and only time that Grata had kissed Henry on the lips. It was more of an instinctive peck on the lip before she hugged him and screamed “Happppppppppppppppppy Birrrrrrrrrrrrthday”… While hugging him, Grata noticed the array of cupcakes that were being taken to that Golden booth at the corner. She excused herself to the toilet and instead went to the booth where she asked the ladies if she could exchange 1 muffin in exchange of a drink or two. As she explained that it’s a friend’s birthday and they were caught unaware, to her surprise Franchesca (the bride to be asked her to join in). So Grata came back to drag the 3 of them to the Hen’s party in the corner. And all she remembered after was cup cake eating from Fran’s cleavage… the dirty dancing with the bride to be… and then all she remembers was waking up with a headache… She was smiling.

TO BE CONTINUED. . . http://geets13.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/heights-of-love-realisation.html

Heights of Love… The Plot Thickens!!!

Continued from http://geets13.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/heights-of-love-uncertainty.html

Story begins at http://geets13.blogspot.in/2011/10/heights-of-love-prelude.html

G – No I’m not…

Mel – Of course you are… You talk to him for hours… Go out for Dinner together… Go to movies…

G – But you guys are always there..

Mel – Yea… I know.. its called double dating.

G – If I were dating… I would know… & even if we were… it’s not exclusive.. neither Henry, nor I have proposed.

Mel – & he is planning to, today… that’s what I came here… to ensure you wear your best dress & look damn pretty when he picks you up today… Dude… you have a date with him at 9!

This had Grata going off the ceiling… “oh no no no no no no.. this can’t happen… oh hell no… NO NOOOOOOOO” she just kept blabbering… Mel calmed her down with “okay.. so you clearly want Adam.. & Henry clearly wants you… & he is planning to propose… & the only reason why I know this is cuz Scott told me… So, let’s assume, I never told you this.. & let’s assume you have taken ill… //Grata nodded// no no no.. not ill… else he would come visit… let’s assume you have an extremely important client meeting that may get extended.. ya.. that works.. you have a client meeting that will get extended… & you may need to have dinner & drinks with the very very very important clients.. I can’t believe I am plotting against Henry’s proposal for an Adam whose intentions we are not even remotely sure of! Okay.. so I’m going back now.. cuz I came to your place & it was locked.. I’m gonna call you now… talk to me for 2 minutes.. rehearse the I’m with clients.. will have to cancel today’s date with me & then call Henry!”

“O Mel.. you are a genius… I just love you so much” said Grata as she hugged Mel tight and started crying!!!

TO BE CONTINUED. . . http://geets13.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/heights-of-love-inner-turmoil.html

Paper Doll #Ramblings

Wanted & liked... she makes everyone smile...
Nice & bright... she feels like sunshine...
Hot & cold... she lets her emotions unfold...
Tender & sweet... she lets her heart beat!

But she forgets... she is wrapped in cellophane...
She is a paper doll...
& they forget... she is to be handled with care...
She is a paper doll...

Bought off the shelf.. She is the favorite toy...

Loved like crazy... She is more than just a paper doll...

Together day in & out.. She is not to be shared...

But one day... she suffers a tear...

Worn out & torn... she lies in a corner...

Dust settles in... pushed into storage...

& one day its time for cleaning... she catches the eye...

crumpled & trashed... its the end of it all...

After all... She is just a paper doll!

Photo Source: http://abstract.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/1414136/

Heights of Love… The Uncertainty!!!

Continued from http://www.geets13.blogspot.in/2014/03/heights-of-love-youlovemebutneverwannas.html

Story begins at http://geets13.blogspot.in/2011/10/heights-of-love-prelude.html

Uncertainty kills you softly… the fear of the worse is actually worse than the worst itself.. to top it Grata was in the mid of the classic - Boys… cant live with them… cant live without them! Adam had bought her a cuppa… he had taken her on a drive… was that sort of a date?

Grata’s trail of thoughts -

//He said he loved me… but he also said he doesn’t wanna see me again…

he sang heart shaped box for me… does he think I am manipulative-sweet-looking-blood-sucking-maneater?

Is he attracted to me or repulsed by me??? Aaaaargh…

on one hand he has a problem with me flirting with other men.. on other hand he buys me coffee…

on one hand I see him fighting… on the other I just really reaaaally wanna kiss him//

She let out an Aaaargh of exasperation as she tossed the empty cup at the door.

Mel opened the door just then to meet Grata, only to be welcomed by a cup being flung in her direction.. The empty cup kissed Mel’s torso & landed at her feet, she picked it up cautiously & asked Grata funnily “What has this poor Missile done?” Grata just looked at Mel with her tear-filled big blue eyes… “okay, what the hell did this Missile do to you?” repeated Mel with a grumpy face this time… Grata tilted her head, made a puppy face & mumbled “I’m sorry I hit you with the Missile!” but “what did the missile do to you sweetheart?”, Mel… “why are you calling a cup, a Missile, did it actually hit you like 1?” Grata asked wiping her tears… “Because it reads Missle!” said Mel as she sat down  at the corner of the bed & Grata crawled towards Mel to read the cup say, MISSLE.

G suddenly became alert, straightened her back & said “Adam bought me coffee today while I was headed to the Garage.. I have been staring at the cup since forever.. but I sure did not notice the scribblings…” Mel turned around the cup… It read 7:30 PM today? “oh my god… he asked me out on a date” screamed Grata as she jumped off the bed & started dancing hysterically… Mel pulled her down & said… “okay.. from the beginning”… So Grata described the dealings of the day to Mel in happiness beyond words.. so much so, she felt her heart would beat right out her chest! When she was done.. Mel shook her by the shoulders & said sternly “You can’t go.. you’re dating Henry!!”

TO BE CONTINUED. . .http://geets13.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/heights-of-love-plot-thickens.html