Metro Maniacs!

now that noida has a metro.. it is so much easier to commute... noida to saddi dilli takes just about half hour! today was my second ride in the metro... n must i say... ooo.. i loved it... firstly, i was to meet Jam, one of my closest frenz... secondly, i hate to travel via bus.. metro is so much more convenient!

so, i did meet Jam, we had a gala time... ate... drank... tried to shop... our efforts went futile... went to a store that had ben & jerry iceys... the uncle and his son were so nice to talk to that even though we did not find what we wanted, yet we bought from their store... just because they were so sweet! *awwww!

we went n sat in the park, even clicked pictures together... some started at us because they doubted our straightness... that the problem with being frenz with women... people don't tend to see straight anymore! lol! then we called it a day and decided to go our homes... i turned to my metro and she to her auto...

so, m in the metro... there is a really stinky woman standing next to me.. i move a little... she sees space and moves even closer.. and then i go YUCK... and change my boogie.. now im standing next to 5 people, 4 chinkis (3 boys 1 girl) and 1 hindustani boy! throughout from rajiv chowk till noida sector 15, the hindustani boi and one chinki keep talking within themselves and keep looking at me and smiling as hard as they can... i don't react.. cuz, i frankly din't know how to react... so here comes sec 15... "doors will open to the left"... doors open... 4 of them down, 1 chinki stays behind... then she announces "stand clear of the doors".. the chinki leans towards me n says "u're cute!" kisses me on my cheek and rushes out of the metro!

WTF... so now i know why you were looking at me all that time and smiling so hard... you got a dare.. right?? i wanted to shout this... but i was too shocked to even open my mouth for words to come out... everyone stared at me... and i was in a state of shock... with zero reaction... so much so that people gave me the stare which said "so, you were with that guy??? we din't know!" its so ridiculous what happened... but thankfully the chinki was cute, else i would have been utterly disgusted!

Miss Me!

i say this much too often.. mostly when im good friends with people... others tend to say, take care... i tend to say miss me... i think i started saying that because i had very few friends and i really wanted that no matter what, i will not let go of them... slowly, it became my habit!

some thought this is my way of flirting... no.. i know better ways...

some thought she thinks so high of herself... no... i am pretty grounded...

some pretty much did not give any heed... it really doesn't matter any more... i tell you... cuz i have realised... friends are if they understand you and consider you a friend... if they can slap you when you go wrong... if they can lift up your spirits no matter how low low low low you are!!! being friends does not really mean hanging out together all the time... being friends does not necessary mean no right to bitch about friends... it means tu kameena hai.. tu kutta hai.. tu saala chu bhi hai... fir bhi tu mera dost hai... english transcript (you're an ass of the order one, but still you have the privilege to be my friend) :P

friends are people who will miss you even when they are not drunk... friends are people who miss you even more just after they met you... friends are people who will say "get lost" when you say "miss me"... but friends are people who will still hear from you "miss me!"

Sick of Being Miserable?

Why is that the best things in life are always short lived? why is that the best things in life are just facades? why is that the best things in life are actually the ones that cause the maximum misery? why is it that the best things in life make you so damn dependant???

Let's take a short lived love affair for example.. What happens when its done? We do a trillion things in a day... we watch TV... we talk to frenz... we get so much over fb that most of our frenz complain that we cramp up most of their wall space... some even hide us... they tell us indirectly... but we dont stop... because, we need to vent out... we go mad... literally... so we ensure that we have the least time to ourselves... cuz when we have a time... we think of them... and they make you miserable!

you did chuck them outta your life... and anyone in sane mind would do the same... but you still feel guilty... you feel as if someone set the back of your throat on fire... you wish that you was literally set afire! you have no one to talk to, cuz they were my whole world... and now that they're gone, you don't know who to turn to!

now that you have shown them the door out of life... why won't they get out of your brain??? Aren't you sick of being miserable...

I wonder why we do that.. & I'm sure we have all done it... whether the love affair was real or imaginary.. two way or one way... we all end up moaning & crying over somebody.. & even though we decide that they must go... we just can't get them outta our heads.. Aren't we sick of being miserable???

Everytime I look around me... I see a heartbroken wretched fellow... I see them cry... I've been there too you know... but I find the situation absolutely ludacris... why??? why??? & I ask why??? Why do we pity ourselves? why don't we ever wish to feel that we deserve better & actually try & get outta this? why why why? why don't we ever get sick of being miserable?

The Shocker!

its always been me who has gone away from home... hostel or posting to bangalore, chandigarh or chennai... but on september 4, 2009... i wasn't the one who was going away... it was meri devil... she was going away for a full year and i was so sad... i had made up my mind that no matter what, i will be strong... i will not cry... but when i went to meet her... for the last time before a year apart... and she hugged me... the damn thing just could not stop... 1 tap.. 2 tap.. 3 tap... and then came the whole dead damn river... i handed her the farewell gifts... and she promised me that she'd keep it with her like forever...

i was so sad that she would not be around for my birthday... but she especially bought a sim to call me on my birthday... and i was delighted... i wasn't able to get through her number on her birthday... but when i was "ultimately" able to... i was so bloody excited that it sounded as if it was my bloody own birthday! :P

she is my lucky charm so i treasured the facebook message she sent to wish me all the best for the exams... i had not studied anything for my last exam but i preferred chatting with her for 3 hours over studying for that time... my exams finished on the 19th of november but instead of reconnecting with sleep that night, i kept awake till 5 to help her in the project... i wasn't much help though... she wanted all UK data and all i could offer was indian data!

no matter how busy i am... i never ignore when she pings... and that's exactly what i did when she pinged me on december 5, 2009... she said a hi and asked me if im home or away... i said im home... then she said can you please go upto my place and check how bhabhi is... i was not sure why she asked me for that, all i could think is maybe bhabhi is not well and maybe noone is answering her call... she asked me to go and check it urgently... i got worried and decided, WTF, her place is just 4 houses away from mine, i can go and check even if it be 12 in the night... so i shut my lappy and off i was to check up at her place... and so im standing right in front of her gate and am about to ring the bell... and suddenly i see something and scream at the top of my voice!!!

no... i wasn't scared... it wasn't a ghost... i was super duper delighted... it was my devil.. standing right there in front of my eyes... what, why, when is not important... what's important is that even though it was shocking... it was a superb surprise.. and i totally loved it... im so glad you're back.. even if its just for a month!

Make Your Own Mistakes!

ooo i so thought that im so tough... nothing can deter me... nothing can make me cry... i thought i can change the whole world... make it run on my terms... but you know that does not happen... i was hapless and helpless... i tried my level best but failed miserably... i just could not believe that it happened to me... in continous 5 roll numbers... the 2 above me and the 2 below me got pune (my 1st preference)... n i got chennai??? my 8th preference in a list of 9???

i wanted to kill amar pratap singh... he was after my life that i would be posted to chennai... he had kept saying that for at least 2 weeks now... and now that the list was out... i really had to kill him... thankfully i could not find him, else i would have been doing 14 yeas in jail right now... i was frustrated... irritated... but i tried... i even tried a jack within infy to keep me in chandigarh... but, FUTILE is the word!!!

the last day in chandigarh... i broke down... i ran into the wash room and gradually my "hushed tears" were "loud flowing rivers"... and so it was... i cried... i tried to keep full control of my tears but apparently the flow was just too great! great enough that there was a mass "spectator" crowd of my batch mates right outside the wash room!!! no... they were not there to consolidate me... they were there because they wanted to witness the miracle "my breakdown"!!!

but what nobody knows is what happened after i went to chennai... when i went to chennai, the very first day we moved out of the infy accomodation, i was greeted by vulgur comments, cheap stares and drunkards trying to grope! what nobody knows is that i kept awake every night and slept in the infy dorm in the work hours... what nobody knows is that i rejected projects to get a transfer but still did not get one... what nobody is knows is that i put on 12 kgs there(this part everyone knows) because i turned to food to vent out my frustration(this is what nobody knows)... what nobody knows is that i fought with my parents everyday to allow me to quit the job... what nobody knows is that i cried and howled in the theathre "my ma n pa don't understand me and this is exactly how i feel right now!" when eeshan awasthi cried in the boarding school's washroom (taare zameen pe)... what nobody knows is that i still cry when i remember those days... what nobody knows is i was broken to the extent that i had no confidence left in me... what nobody knows is that my parents let me quit only when i told them "you can either be proud to have had a daughter who worked with infosys or you can have an unemployed daughter!"... what nobody knows is that the infy people actually gave me a one-month leave to go home and change my mind... but what the infosions dont know is that im BLOODY adamant and its almost impossible to influence my decisions!

i may be a loser... cuz i gave up... i may even sound like a whiner.. cuz i probably am 1... but im happy that i make my own mistakes... this way i can't blame nobody else for it... but, that doesn't save you amar, i still hate you for saying that ill get chennai... but i love you for being the friend that you are, for sticking by my side when i desperately needed a fren, for making chandigarh worth-while, and most importantly for helping me find a great friend (madhur) in chennai... oooo, you're wondering how u helped... well, you did.. cuz initailly what we'd do is just bitch about you!!! lol!! :P