Move On!

I can eat… I can sleep… I can smile… I can even laugh… but there still is an emptiness… I sleep as much as I can… I watch as many movies as my folks allow me… I even help my ma with the house hold chores… I do just about anything possible to be occupied… I do just about anything possible to not have any free time!

But when I walk through the market where we’ve been a million times… I feel the emptiness of holding your hands… when I watch a movie all alone… I feel the emptiness of you watching me instead of the movie… when I read the newspapers… I feel the emptiness of you letting me know all the news in advance… when I hear a new song… I feel the emptiness of you having had already sung it to me!!!

When I see my wardrobe… all I see is how you have influenced it … when I see brownie or bozo… I know I wouldn’t ever had them if I wasn’t for you… when I see my cell phone… it reminds me of how I lost your N-gage… when I look at my eyes… they remind me that you were the first one to compliment them… when I look at myself… I see the devil I am but the angel you saw in me!!!

Its funny I miss you so much when I was the one to let go… every romantic movie that I see makes me believe I didn’t love you… cuz love is standing through and through in the toughest times… but I let go cuz the times may become tough… I let go because we may not last… the funnier thing is I guess I miss you because you loved me more than anyone ever could/can… but I still am not willing to reconcile cuz maybe I never really loved you, I was just addicted!!!

You destroyed your life for me… you kept me ahead in everything you did… but now that you are completely destroyed and have got nothing left of you except our memories… all I can say is, you destroyed yourself over the wrong girl… because I kept myself ahead of you… and now that you’re completely destroyed, I have no reason to hang on… and hence, I would like to advice you… move on! 

Always Been Famous!

there are people who are never famous... then there are people who become famous... and then there are people who have always been famous... you could be famous because you're smart... or cuz you're hot... or cuz you're cool... or cuz you give that look... or cuz you wear the weirdest clothes... or cuz you wear the most expensive brands... or cuz you look so fashionable even in flee clothes... or cuz... there are many more reasons!

Interlude: there also are people who are famous for all the wrong reasons!!! i, belong to this the category "always been famous for the wrong reasons!" no... no... no... i dont do dope... dont sell them either... i dont do any of the nasty things that might come into yours' or any other persons' minds!!! i've never been famous with the kids... but in spite of not being the teacher's pet... i've always been famous with them! infact, i've been so famous that according to Baral sir, a coule of them refused to teach my class cuz i was in that class!!! hello.. i never did anything in class... maximum to maximum, i'd giggle, sketch the teacher or eat... i don't say nasty things to teachers at least!

when, doing my B.Tech... there was this Electronics HOD who knew me by my name, and he would check with all the teacher's about my status daily... my Signals and Systems teacher got so irritated that he made me stand up in the class to ask what i said to him... apparently, my father met with him in a PTA and asked him to keep an eye on me... because of this, i suffered heavily in my internals... when others would get grace marks (upto 15), he would ensure that i get just how much i deserve!!! it was a sight, i tell you... if i'd see him coming, i'd litterally run away in the other direction! When i went back to my college, a couple of months ago, Baral sir told me, you would not have suffered if you were in the current batch, firstly, that HOD is gone and secondly, you will not be the exclusive notorious kid of the batch! so apparently, i was famous for the wrong reason "being under the scanner of the HOD!"

anyways, i somehow made it through... got through infosys off-campus... joined at infy@chandigarh... went through a gruelling training... we had our first test within the 1st 3 weeks (i don't really remember precisely)... we had online tests... and we'd get the results right then and there... passing criteria was 75 (i think, don't remember precisely, it can be 80% too)... so, i remember... i gave the test... got over with it within 20 mins, i don't really believe that one was worth the 1 hour set for it! then, i clicked the "submit" button... and woah.. i flunked... wow... my morale went and settled in the nail of my foot's last finger!!! thankfully, 80% of the students failed that one... so we had a conference... where some chick was discussing what a sad sight this is and how we expect more out of you all... and i don't even know, what happened to me... i just got up, and shouted at the top of my voice "im sorry to say this, but if 80% students fail, it means there is something terribly wrong with the teaching standard!" and then, i sat down in a dhup and saw her face go pale as the hall filled with claps from 250+... later we were all given 12 extra marks so i passed the test and so did a couple of others... so, i was famous for the wrong reason "not being able to control my tongue (as in speech)!"

here, in amity, im trying my best to not be famous for the wrong reasons... infact, im trying not to be famous at all... cuz i've realised, people who are unknown to the teachers get much more internals than the ones that are known, unless ofcourse you're the buttering kinds, which i'm not! anyways, to my dismay, when i went to the college this wens'day, i found out that i just can't get out of the scanner... apparently, my PL made me sit all alone in the front seat for his paper's exam to ensure that i do not cheat (i do not cheat on important tests in any case!), inspite of this i got a good score in his subject... so when i met him on wens'day he told me, "so, i saw that you got a good score in my subject!" when i smiled, he said "how?" i said "main padhnay likhnay waali ladki hu" (i'm the kinda girl who studies), but apparently he knows me better, so he replied "as if!" so, i guess this time around i'm famous for the wrong reason "as if"????

Christmas Memories!

i'm not a Christian, but i do have have a lot of memories associated with Christmas... Infact, when i found out that the Santa who left chocolates and chips near my bed was my father... i was heart-broken.. not literally, but somewhat... i mean, thaz cuz i knew then, that there is no motive of making a wish list anymore!!! :P

when we were in school, we'd have the santa (some senior or some teacher) come on to the assembly place and throw away sweets at the kids... well, our santa was pretty desi.. he'd go ho ho ho but throw pan pasand candies around the school... i mean, with nina seghal taking over, the things really changed, first she replaced the eclairs by pan pasand, then she got rid of our diwali mela and then she put tiles all over the school to make it look like a huge wash room!

anyways, lets come back to the christmas spirit... i've also been mean on christmas... well, i've been mean to many people at many points of time, but its sad that i was mean to someone even on christmas... so, this is how it goes... the family that owns the house right in front of our house sent their children to the christmas get together that was happening at my place... (2 of their own kids and one cousin of theirs... well hello uncle, if i did not invite your kids, its because i dont want to have them at my party... looser... and what's with sending the cousin... i loathed him... we were the same age, and he was better than me in studies and because of him, i'd be shouted at "why can't you do just as well as happy?"... yeah, his name is happy!) ... so, i let them in, cuz i was and still am scared of the uncle's size... i mean, he is as huge as Yokuzuna! i told them that they can stay at the farthest corner of my roof... we played games and they just stared at us... the guy played his guitar, and the 2 girls just heard him... i did not offer them popcorn or cakes or pepsi or samosas or even dinner... and they obviously did not ask for it cuz they were to stay at the corner and were not allowed to come near us! yeah, i know, i was mean... i still enjoy such stuff, i guess that means, i'm still mean! :P

another memory is from asandas chennai... the christmas is a huge hit there... christmas is a hit in the states i know... cuz HP guys get a winter vacation for christmas... what i don't understand is, why is it such a hit with the tamilians??? anyways, the half tree that you see in the pic is from asandas only... the holy was really amazing... it was so nice, i wanted to steal it!!! lol... thankfully, i did not steal the same, but when i sat at the cafe coffee day of that building, i realised that they had cut out peices of thermocol in the shapes of stars and xmas trees... so i asked them if i could have some and when they agreed, i picked up 4 stars and one christmas tree... when i left chennai, that is one thing i carried from there... they sat on my study table for some time and then, when i disposed my table, they went too!!! or maybe, they still are somewhere in my store room... i don't really remeber now!

as i said, i've had some experiences wrt christmas... but this one... is really weird... this tuesday, i caught up on two movies with a friend... one of the movies was "Christmas Carol" yeah! the Ebenzer Scrooge story... i could not have made out that Scrooge was played by Jim Carey, but thankfully my friend made me aware of the same... no.. no.. no.. me going for an animated movie is not the weird part (i do that all the time, wall e and ratatouille are amongst my favs)... whatz weird was that there were a bunch of hooligans in the theatre who actually found a reason to use their dirty minds during the movie... they espically went nuts when Jacob "Marley" was spoken about! all they could talk about is his second name! Bunch of perverts i'd say! :P

chistmas has been weird and funny and entwined for me... lets see what more christmas' have to offer! :P

The Beach!

im a half mallu and half sindi... and this is pretty evident from my (eating) taste and preferences... i have to have a papad (known as cracker or a flat bread in english) when eating, this is purely a sindhi trait and i want it spicy, and love the fish, which is purely a south indian trait... ok, so its also popular with the bengalies!

its funny, no matter how hard i try, i do tend to wander... the point is im a half south indian and just like the other south indians, i love the beaches too... ive been to many beaches... some are serene, some hot, some interesting, some fun and some plain dirty... dirty as in unclean, and not dirrrty!!! chennai beaches are at the top of the dirty list... but pondicherry beaches are hot... i mean, you can really not say that you're in india... cuz, you can barely find indians there!!!

anyways, at the beaches, the sand castles and the writing completions before the wave hits... they are still a hit with all the kids and they still seem so cute... i've also seen the weirdest things happening around beaches... one such incident is from about 7-10 years ago...

me and my sister were standing at some beach in Kerala (the one that is right next to the Taj)... suddenly, i heard my pa shout, look out for your sister, there is a huge wave coming... and before he finished his sentence, the wave came at us... i held my sister tight, to ensure she would not flow away... when the wave went past, i turned around to see my father and he was furious... i was smiling at my achievement.. i did not let go off my sister... and then i heard my sister cry.. i looked at her face and said, "it's Ok baby! nothing happened!"... but, she cryingly (if thatz a word) blurted out "it took away my skirt!" *sob sob!

Oh my God! i thought that was really funny but she kept crying.. apparently, it was her favourite skirt! :P we had to convince her that the ocean throws back everything that it sucks in, so it will eventually return to her! the next day, we went to some island on a boat, and she saw a red and blue peice of cloth, and actually got the boat diverted towards the same, but obviously, that wasn't her skirt!

i guess, the boy to the right, made a wise choice by sticking to just the trunks.. and his mother (who is not visible in the snap, made a wise choice by sticking to a bikini!)

Dreamzzzzzzzzzzz!!!

ive heard like a zillion times that dreams mean something... i mean they can be interpreted... my dreamz are pretty weird... im sure, even if they can be interpreted, they still would not make any sense... cuz i would not be able to describe them with or without sense!

i generally donot remember what i dream about.. what i do remember is the people that i saw and the places that i went... i even told a couple of my frenz that i dreamt about you last night, but when they asked, what exactly... i seriously did not remember...

people say that you dream about things that you see or think about... but there are times, when i see people that i just know "exist." i.e. i only know that they exist, i've never though about them, or heard anythn about them or even paid them any heed at all. PERIOD... i do not understand WHY THEY BOTHER TO COME INTO MY DREAMZ!!!

anyways, people come and go... when i was in school, i saw school mates... then college mates... then work mates... and now, again school (b-school) mates... what never changed is "the building"... i always dreamt of my school... i guess, that means something.. it means I SPENT 14 YEARS OF MY LIFE THERE!!! :P

but, a funny thing happened recently... recently, i started dreamin of my b-school's building... well, i do agree that they have strikingly similar red bricks... but thaz all about it... can somebody explain how 5 months of amity washed over 14 years of DPS?