Friday, March 14, 2014

Time to Change.. Time to Clean Up!

Well.. it's a fact.. so let's face it... we Indians.. we are the spicy kind... don't get me wrong.. I mean we love spice.. especially in our food... the more condiments that go into our food... the more aromatic it is.. the more we love it... whether it be the home deep-fried-pre-marinated-in-namak-lalmarchi-dhaniya-pepper fish that makes our eyes & nose water or the local markets i-dont-know-how-many-spices-used-to-marinate tandoori chicken that have fire blaring right out of our ears... this really is what we love.. not to mention our national love for onions & garlic... I have actually seen men eating raw onion like nobody's business while waiting for food...

Well.. who am I to complain about any of this.. because the fact is.. I love it too... in fact, I may be a step ahead... cuz when my throat is burning with the firecrackers from all the spices, I like to top it with a hot cuppa tea! Wooooah! Now if you've done it.. then, you know that really IS something! It's much too obvious that with our immense love for such great food including the gaseous ones like cholay & rajma & the gobhi & mooli which let a guy sitting 20 mts from us know what we got for lunch, that we too bask in the aroma of what we eat! After all, you are what you eat.. right?

Well.. be what you wanna be.. eat what you wanna eat.. but what about me? what about me when I'm standing next to you? Oh.. let me rewind a little & give you another fact.. we as Indians.. don't believe in the concept of space... if there is a line & if there is any space between any 2 people, the fact is, it is our birth right to invade that space & make it ours.. so.. why leave it to chance?? why leave any space?? which brings me back to the "what happens to me" when I'm standing next to you?? I mean I share my space with people everyday... so really.. what happens to me??

What happens to me when I'm standing next to you in a bank's queue on a Saturday morning?
What happens to me when I'm standing next to you in a metro & you shove your armpit in my face?
What happens to me when I'm sitting next you on a bus & you decide that you need a stretch & place you arm on my head rest?
What happens to me when I'm standing next to you & you wave at a friend you see at a distance?
What happens to me when I'm standing next to you while you are presenting & throwing your arms up in the air over & over again to make a point?

I'll tell you what happens to me... I die a little!

Because you decide to eat all of what you like to eat & then decide that the body needs to secrete it beautiful juices naturally & do nothing to tame your awesome odor & to top it decide that it's just too cold to take a wash for 3 whole days... I die.. I actually do.. I'm not asking you to not eat what you want... but brushing.. bathing & deodorants are basic hygiene! & no.. I'm not singling out our Indian men here... this one also goes out to the ladies //read stink-o-mania here//

Now that you know that I die a little.. you know what dying people do? They tell the truth.. So, let me tell you what happens to you... What happens to you is I ask you "what's that smell, boss?" I ask you cuz I don't care that you will be offended... most people tend to get embarrassed about this.. many tend to fix their act.. move as little as possible.. sit with their body parts as close to themselves.. stop sticking to me.. some tend to cheekily say must be him or her when they know I am talking about them.. a few tend to smell their armpit & get embarassed... but every once in a while.. there are few who turn around & ask me what my problem is.. we live in a free country & we are free to do as we may choose..

I'll tell you what my problem is.. its a free country, alright, but did you know darling, that your freedom ENDS, where another person's NOSE begins? & this is my nose... & your scent is not welcome in my territory! Cuz you know what.. I am done changing my metro boogies because you need a grip... I am done looking in every other direction & avoiding breathing just because a Saturday morning is an inconvenient time for you to take a wash... I'm done ditching my seat on a bus just because you wanna stretch... I am done taking 2 steps back when you wave to your friend... & I most definitely am done just changing slides so you can wave your hands & do all the talking! Its time that you change your boogies... Its time you respect the distance between us when we are standing in a line at the bank... it's time you keep your hands to yourself when sitting in a bus... its time that your friend stops hugging you cuz you leave your stink on them as well... & its time that i make the presentations & you change the slides... its time to change.. its time to clean up! Try it... you may actually enjoy it!

This post has been written for the "Close Encounters of the Smelly Kind" contest.
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