In a mother’s womb.. we are all in the dark.. we are all butt-ass naked… yet there is this sense of security… this feeling of warmth that engulfs us all! Ah! This feeling of the ultimate protection! Im not sure if it all made some/any sense to me then, but I think I could hear (& somehow understand) these voices in my head like ALL the time.. must have been her talking to me… thinking about me… praying for me… smiling… crying… get concerned… all of these emotions felt only for me… Ah! This feeling of the ultimate love!!
How did I become this person though? Why do I hurt her? Why does she cry because of me? If all she ever wanted… prayed for… pleaded for… even begged for… was for me to be a good person… how the fuck did I become this nasty crazy bitch of a person… if all she ever does is care… how is it that it concerns me when she invades my space.. my privacy… & more importantly how did the “I” & the “me” & the “my” come into the picture, when it was her who started it all… after all, I WAS just an aftermath of a protein bomb explosion in her womb… Ah! This feeling of ultimate ungratefulness!!!
How did I become this? How did I get the quantitative right to be an “I” when qualitatively I am just a miniature piece of her… How? How? How? How can we be so contrasting when essentially we are just the same… Its driving me insane… so much so, that its im penning this down!!! I wish I had any answers… I wish I could stop hurting her so much… but I am sure, I won’t… I can’t… but there is one thing I sure can do… I can tell you mum… no matter what I say or do or how bad I behave… I do… always… at the back my head.. LOVE YOU MOM… Ah! This feeling of ultimate gratitude!