Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Make Your Own Mistakes!

ooo i so thought that im so tough... nothing can deter me... nothing can make me cry... i thought i can change the whole world... make it run on my terms... but you know that does not happen... i was hapless and helpless... i tried my level best but failed miserably... i just could not believe that it happened to me... in continous 5 roll numbers... the 2 above me and the 2 below me got pune (my 1st preference)... n i got chennai??? my 8th preference in a list of 9???

i wanted to kill amar pratap singh... he was after my life that i would be posted to chennai... he had kept saying that for at least 2 weeks now... and now that the list was out... i really had to kill him... thankfully i could not find him, else i would have been doing 14 yeas in jail right now... i was frustrated... irritated... but i tried... i even tried a jack within infy to keep me in chandigarh... but, FUTILE is the word!!!

the last day in chandigarh... i broke down... i ran into the wash room and gradually my "hushed tears" were "loud flowing rivers"... and so it was... i cried... i tried to keep full control of my tears but apparently the flow was just too great! great enough that there was a mass "spectator" crowd of my batch mates right outside the wash room!!! no... they were not there to consolidate me... they were there because they wanted to witness the miracle "my breakdown"!!!

but what nobody knows is what happened after i went to chennai... when i went to chennai, the very first day we moved out of the infy accomodation, i was greeted by vulgur comments, cheap stares and drunkards trying to grope! what nobody knows is that i kept awake every night and slept in the infy dorm in the work hours... what nobody knows is that i rejected projects to get a transfer but still did not get one... what nobody is knows is that i put on 12 kgs there(this part everyone knows) because i turned to food to vent out my frustration(this is what nobody knows)... what nobody knows is that i fought with my parents everyday to allow me to quit the job... what nobody knows is that i cried and howled in the theathre "my ma n pa don't understand me and this is exactly how i feel right now!" when eeshan awasthi cried in the boarding school's washroom (taare zameen pe)... what nobody knows is that i still cry when i remember those days... what nobody knows is i was broken to the extent that i had no confidence left in me... what nobody knows is that my parents let me quit only when i told them "you can either be proud to have had a daughter who worked with infosys or you can have an unemployed daughter!"... what nobody knows is that the infy people actually gave me a one-month leave to go home and change my mind... but what the infosions dont know is that im BLOODY adamant and its almost impossible to influence my decisions!

i may be a loser... cuz i gave up... i may even sound like a whiner.. cuz i probably am 1... but im happy that i make my own mistakes... this way i can't blame nobody else for it... but, that doesn't save you amar, i still hate you for saying that ill get chennai... but i love you for being the friend that you are, for sticking by my side when i desperately needed a fren, for making chandigarh worth-while, and most importantly for helping me find a great friend (madhur) in chennai... oooo, you're wondering how u helped... well, you did.. cuz initailly what we'd do is just bitch about you!!! lol!! :P

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